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 once upon a time there was a beautiful princess locked away in a tower. located in a new city with trees guarding access to the natural world and GTA being played out around her. 

simple things are no longer simple and the outside speaks a language she doesn’t. the controller to this reality is unfamiliar with buttons she’s still learning how to use. 

she stands at on the balcony, body pressed against the wood railing enclosing her in a 6x9 living space, and watches life lived at the plex. the man living in the building across from her carries in brown plastic sacks of groceries. his mini in tow up the stairs. a black women walking her black boxer on the black parking lot pavement. cars driving past, one after another, the low hum of their engines differing with the makes. the woman living below her comes home and lets her dog out to use the english ivy encroaching the pine covered ground as a bathroom. 

sometimes she lets down her hair to welcome cardinals and lady bugs into her home. childhood company. family in a way that makes her feel like they’re sitting next to her at the table, instead in another realm 500 light years away. 

“is adulthood suppose to feel this way?” she asks them. together they sit, looking through the tunnel of the past in hopes to see the future. 

june’s full moon

women stand in a circle and chant as one of them dribbles the prosperity potion onto the smooth throne of earth below their bare feet, slanted from the mountain’s incline. 

“Out of the Darkness

Out of the Air

Out of Nowhere

To aid us I swear

Piles upon piles

Of silver and Gold

Come without warning

As you have been told.”

the women continued their song and poured the mixture from one bowl to another; the sounds of coins, beads and crystals harmonizing with their voices in the cool night air. the bowl made its pilgrimage around in the circle until it had reached its beginning.

rose of the jericho, coined the resurrection plant for its ability to preserve life by turning inward for dry seasons and blossoming when wet, was added to the elixir. behind them the illuminated full moon appeared from behind the mountain. so close they could scope their hands into her surface and watch as grannuals of golden prosperity filled their cupped hands. 

the evening began with the last parking space. she snagged a tight parallel spot wedged in between two cars that would later depart. stepping out the car, her and her girlfriend discussed the nature around them. they ventured into the pathway that led to an open area of rock. an organizer sat on a yellow spread waiting for them to arrive. 

hugs and names were exchanged and slowly people trickled in. by 7:30 stretching began and each person lead the group through a sequence. they took turns introducing themselves and setting their intentions for the gathering. smoke from the burning cinnamon incense mingled with the breeze as individuals spotlighted a piece of their soul. 

the trek to the top of the mountain was light and they moved in a loose trail. hiking boots in hand, she bounded from one slab of harden earth to another, her a blonde haired child running free. her golden hair darker now as she approaches her 24th birthday. 

reaching the desired height they embraced a stunning view of the georgia forests. an organizer instructed them to pull out their journals and together they detailed their dreams and inner reflections. three prompts later in a circle they sat, passing around a bundle of burning juniper, letting the smoke and the love of lit incense cleanse and amplify their communal energy. the sun set and disappeared into the groves of spring green, casting a simmering glow upon the mountain top. 

a beat started and they sang a wealthy melody from the heart. clapping and joyous laughter broke out at its natural conclusion. to commence the ritual each woman added their own symbolism of prosperity to the bigger of the two bowls. she had picked four unique quarters and a dollar coin as her contribution. moon water blessed their emblements and grazed the edges.

the woman next to her had held a golden circular bead the size of her palm with symmetric inner circles etched into it. “it’s an african bead honor my ancestors.” the woman turned it over gingerly. “the details are beautiful here; the engraved circles remind me of the circle of life, the soul cycle,” she commented. 

when it came her turn to hold the receiving bowl, runway fluid graced her fingers, wetting her grip and a smile painted across her complexion from the artist that god is. the fruitful string of language rose from her chest in vibrations and dancing into the air around her. she leisured in her opportunity to pour the concoction into the receiving bowl in the dark hands of her best friend. who then did the same with the girlfriend standing on her other side. an intimate first interaction between the two this evening experience was.

a moment of gracious meditation was gifted at the end of the ritual. the women sat and discussed what prosperity meant to them: a mindset and perspective, an embodiment, energy, an art studio, community, freedom. with the full moon high in the sky they danced atop the mountain and rejoiced in celebration for the opportunity to be present, to connect with their highest selves in nature, and honor their personal paths of passion and purpose. 

before returning to base they stood once again in a circle, this time holding hands in sisterhood and each took a turn verbalizing what they were releasing and holding gratitude for. tears were shed as their vulnerabilities were caressed and supported. the flow of energetic love was a heavy river through linked hands.   

the midnight post memorial day

 a catalogue of thoughts.

today can be defined by four hours of studying, taking 3.5 quizzes and crying in my car parked outside the gym. it can be defined by pushing through a lamenting ego’s attempt to restrict the joy of an opportune adventure and instead going out into the world to explore a new park. it can be defined by the process of grief and how it sneaks up on you like a mischievous kid. a gift my subconscious thought it was to dream of reuniting with bean, yet the jarring reality of his nine month absence brought the trick of hope crashing down around me as the ceiling fell through. pieces of rubble and drywall littering my pastel flower print sheets. all day remnants followed me around like a dark and wet rain cloud. i held the rubble in my hands as i wept through half of my car napkin stash. i wore my sunglasses inside the building to hide my soaked lashes, allowing my  reindeer red nose to be passed off as a sunburn rather than an outpouring of the heart. 

today can be defined by choosing to embrace the humanity of this reality. joy and sorrow balance out and moving forward, picking my head and heart up in a hug, in acceptance of the present moment and placing trust in my faith. life looks and feels and is experienced differently now than it was a year ago in missouri, in my rural solitude. i had to make this change in order to understand my place in the world. to grasp and cherish what is most meaningful. to test my values and security in self. the development of self is built with the bricks of experience, challenges, triumphs, reflections. some days i ruminate too much; today was not one of those days. i’ve shown up for my present and future self in discipline, creativity, commitment and grace. 

a proud moment of the day includes completing a three minute italian lesson to string my streak along to a 37th day among my studying; finishing a forty minute treadmill walk with a sprint to make it to two miles as Sylvester Stallone completed his first episode in tulsa, oklahoma. a weighted leg workout accompanied by a chill lofi mix of hip hop beats and a silent steam in solitude. towel wrapped around my waist and titties out to enjoy the engulfment of the drizzling atmosphere. a cleansing of the mind, body and spirit. 

love looks like eating a bowl of homemade red curry packed with vegetable and rice. it looks like buying spinach and ice cream at the store but skipping the wine and hard kombucha on the way to check out. love and respect are synonymous. there were many wins today; grace has been shown with the choice to eat 3/4 of the ice cream purchased and starting a new romcom guilt free as a study break while fireworks were interfering was earned. 

there have been an abundance of wins today. reading and journaling are on that list and now creative writing can be added as well. gratitude for the accumulation of small joys painting the present picture.